Right on time.

Instead of looking at it as starting over, I should look at it as another chance to get it right.

Right?

On the bright side, at least I already made my midwife appointment for the first week of May.  I figured it would work out to either being my first pregnancy appointment (at 6 weeks) or my one-year TTC appointment + yearly visit. Looks like it’ll be the latter (& as the fates would have it, exactly 364 days since my IUD removal).

I never thought we’d get this far.

*Let me preface this post with a statement. I know that there are many, many couples out there who have tried far longer & far harder to get pregnant that we have. Trust me, I know. I have crossed every crossable for them, cried every time their hopes were dashed, & rejoiced loudly when their day finally came. Some are still waiting for that day, & I cannot wait for that day to come – they will be fantastic Mommies, to beautiful babies. So please, don’t take this post the wrong way.

 

 

Cycle day 1.

Cycle #9.

Month 11.

I never thought it would take this long.

Sure, I had fears that something would be wrong with me, but I always brushed them off as irrational, a side-effect of spending so much time on baby boards where the instance of infertility or trouble TTC was higher than in my usual circle of friends & acquaintances. I was just being silly, worrying about nothing. I’m young & in pretty good health, no major medical issues. McDreamy has already sired a child, so we know his equipment works. We’ll have fun the first couple of months until I see those two pink lines, & then the morning sickness will kick in. I’ve read the books, done the research. I signed up for a charting website, grabbed my thermometer, & dove in.

Leaving my IUD-removal appointment, my OB/GYN lightheartedly said, “Now, call me when you’re a week late, I like to do the pregnancy test here in the office.” I fully expected to be back in his office within a few months, telling him he was wasting his time because I’d already pee’d on 10 sticks that said I was, indeed, pregnant.

When flurries of pregnancy announcements flooded the boards, everyone joked that it must be in the water. This will be the month, I thought. If I buy a premium membership to the charting website, that guarantees I’ll get pregnant this cycle (& thereby not have a chance to use it). Last month, a girl I don’t even know had a dream that I was pregnant (she is friends with Christina, & knows of me through her). Surely, a premonition, right?

But here we are, a mere 6 weeks from the 12-month mark TTC. “They” say that it takes a normal, healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant. & if you haven’t by then, you should talk to your doctor. Factoring in my historically long cycle length, this will be our last cycle before we hit 12 months. At least 2 of my cycles (& maybe 3) have been annovulatory, meaning I didn’t release an egg. One cycle lasted 63 days (though I did ovulate that cycle – finally). Maybe we just haven’t gotten the timing right yet. Maybe it just isn’t our time yet. Maybe it will just take a little longer for us.

I just never thought it would take this long.

& I’m terrified this means it’s going to take a lot longer.