Archive for February, 2011

February 27, 2011

Protect & Serve.

McDreamy starts a new job on Wednesday.

I won’t lie. I’m scared.

He’s been a computer tech for years. About 13 months ago, he decided he wanted to change careers, completely. He did the research, found night classes, applied for loans. He commuted over 200 miles three times a week for 6 months. He was one-tenth of a point away from valedictorian of his class. He won a pretty major award. After graduation, he had a position secured but got shut down at the (literal) last minute because of politics. I saw the intense disappointment; I watched him so disheartened as his dream slipped away. Then the call came. A different city, a new position, a second interview. His excitement was palpable. When he got the job, I was elated for him.

I’m so incredibly proud of him.

But I’m scared.

He is my husband. He is my best friend. He is the father of a beautiful little girl who looks just like him. He is my rock, my light. He pulls me up by my bootstraps when I’d rather stay down. He is who I want to be the father of my kids, who I want to raise them with, who I want to grow old with. I want to watch him walk our daughter(s) down the aisle to a beautiful future. & when we are in our golden years, I want to look over to the rocker next to mine & see him. I want to hear grandkids call him Poppy, & laugh as he teases & tickles them.

Today, I am 3 days post-ovulation (DPO). My heart yearns to see that + sign, not only because of the obvious; because if something were to happen, I selfishly want a piece of him with me. I also want a tangible tie to my step-daughter, because without him I have none. They are my heart & soul, those two. & if I lose one, I will certainly lose the other.

So, I’m scared.

But still, so proud.

February 23, 2011

Not the look I was going for.

I got new scrubs for work today. I immediately tore open the package & changed into the first set. I come out into the living room to show McDreamy & this conversation ensues:

Me: “How do I look?”

McDreamy: ::playing on his phone:: “Fine.”

Me: “Honey, you didn’t even look.”

McDreamy: ::glances up:: “You look nice.”

So, I go & change into the second set. I come out into the living room.

Me: “Honey, tell me I look nice so I can go change.”

McDreamy: ::glances up:: “You look pregnant.”

Me: “What?!”

McDreamy: “Well, isn’t that the look you’re going for?”

Me: “Not exactly. I want to BE pregnant, not just LOOK pregnant.”

McDreamy: “Oh. Well. You look nice, honey.”


February 15, 2011

The worst thing about morning sex?

The leakage that occurs afterward.

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve just gotten out of the car, you are walking into work, when BAM! The wet spot is all up in your ladybits. So you oh-so-gracefully shuffle your way in, set down your purse, & high-tail it to the bathroom.

Clean up on the lingerie aisle, please.

But oh, it’s not over. You’re trucking along with your day, with nary a thought to this morning’s events (well, okay, maybe a thought… or two… or, who’s counting?). You stand up to hand a client something, & wait? What’s that?! Oh, damn it.

Sometimes I feel like I should carry a spare pair of undies in my purse. & then I think about how I could make so much money if I invented a machine like the tampon/pad machines in bathrooms that dispensed individually wrapped pairs of undies & they could be in bathrooms around the world & surely 20-something college girls & hookers & probably hot doctors having hot sex in the on-call rooms would put $1 worth of quarters into a machine to get a fresh (albeit cheap) pair of undies. ::deep breath:: Sorry, I kind of got carried away there.

So, back to my original point. Morning sex means that I have to carry the wet spot around with me half the day.

NOT fair.

February 13, 2011

Wherever you go, there you are.

& it seems today, I am here.

I had a blog, for a while. But it was anonymous & easy to forget. Especially since I never updated it. I suppose I could go back to it, but I think I would rather start fresh.

If anyone reading happens to be a Grey’s Anatomy fan, you will probably recognize the quote in my header. I am a big fan of Grey’s, & also 1/2 of a Twisted Sister-type relationship (though I don’t share my marital bed – ever). She is my best friend & we often joke that we are the same person. She is definitely more Christina-ish in that she has a very strong drive & a quick wit. I’m the one with Mommy issues, as my mother & I definitely had our differences. As such, I have decided to blog under the name of Meredith. At the moment, we are both married to our McDreamy & TTC a baby (& by that, I mean Meredith & I – my Twisted Sister is getting married this spring & it will be fantastic).

Oh, yeah. That. We are on our 8th cycle TTC. I need a clearing house for all of the pregnancy/birth/baby information I’ve accumulated. Since I haven’t a baby to birth, I’ve decided to birth this blog.

So there you have it.