Protect & Serve.

McDreamy starts a new job on Wednesday.

I won’t lie. I’m scared.

He’s been a computer tech for years. About 13 months ago, he decided he wanted to change careers, completely. He did the research, found night classes, applied for loans. He commuted over 200 miles three times a week for 6 months. He was one-tenth of a point away from valedictorian of his class. He won a pretty major award. After graduation, he had a position secured but got shut down at the (literal) last minute because of politics. I saw the intense disappointment; I watched him so disheartened as his dream slipped away. Then the call came. A different city, a new position, a second interview. His excitement was palpable. When he got the job, I was elated for him.

I’m so incredibly proud of him.

But I’m scared.

He is my husband. He is my best friend. He is the father of a beautiful little girl who looks just like him. He is my rock, my light. He pulls me up by my bootstraps when I’d rather stay down. He is who I want to be the father of my kids, who I want to raise them with, who I want to grow old with. I want to watch him walk our daughter(s) down the aisle to a beautiful future. & when we are in our golden years, I want to look over to the rocker next to mine & see him. I want to hear grandkids call him Poppy, & laugh as he teases & tickles them.

Today, I am 3 days post-ovulation (DPO). My heart yearns to see that + sign, not only because of the obvious; because if something were to happen, I selfishly want a piece of him with me. I also want a tangible tie to my step-daughter, because without him I have none. They are my heart & soul, those two. & if I lose one, I will certainly lose the other.

So, I’m scared.

But still, so proud.


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